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moested, molestation, victim, survivor
sexual abuse
speak up
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Irina, 26, Tampa FL

My names Irina Massiel pero people call me Nina.  I'm a 26 yr old.  I was molested and raped numerous times by my biological father from the ages of 4 and possibly younger, until I was about 8 & that's only because he got scared after I told my mom, who at the time didn't believe me. It got to the point where because it all started when I was so young, I didn't understand this wasn't normal. For me I was indifferent if older men/women put their hands on me and touched me inappropriately. I was bothered by it but also numb to it. And the only reason I even said anything, is because I was sleeping in my parents bed one night and my father started to touch me and I was offended and in shock because my mom was sleeping right next to me. And in my little head I was thinking I don't care if you touch me, just don't do this in front of my mother. Don't disrespect her. Definitely a twisted way to see things, I know, but I didn't know better until I spoke up. 

After that it was a downhill spiral. There's were others who had attempted to molest me but I fought back. My life was shattered because the two people who made me, who were supposed to teach and protect me from the dangers of this world had both given me their backs. My father by his actions and my mother with her LACK OF action. I stopped caring about life. By 10 I was drinking and smoking and by 14, I had attempted suicide twice and was an avid cutter. I became a wreck and considered prostitution until I met my ex girl at 15. With her help I somewhat got my shit together, started soul searching and distracted myself with her & school. But all that rage and confusion was still eating me up inside. I unfortunately did experience a mental breakdown in my early 20's, which led to me finally getting professional help and just talking about it. In order to function all those years, my mind had put a block up on a lot of things that happened, which unfortunately for me , started resurfacing during certain therapy sessions. So as I progressed, I was remembering more and more. At that point I decided I didn't want to be a victim anymore. I didn't want this to own me or have a hold on me. I am a warrior, a survivor and I wanted to carry myself as such. So since then it's been a rocky road but I am definitely not who I was and although I am still learning and working on myself, I am much more at peace then I have ever been. I am now a professional woman, getting my school on and working on making all my goals a reality, taking it all step by step. 

I don't want kids to go through what I went through. I had no one. I was lost because even when I did speak up, it was dismissed by my mother. I was told to respect my father, that he was probably drunk and that I probably just took it the wrong way. I heard that woman say so many excuses until the day she finally realized the truth, which wasn't until a couple years ago. I don't want anyone else to live that. So I decided at one point that I wanted to finally speak up about it. I've been working on it with my talk therapist. . I reached out to some contacts of mine, who put me in touch with BACA and CCAN, as well as the Ali Forney Center in NY; all who are very awesome and have amazing people working for them. Unfortunately there was a major crisis in my family last year that ultimately has put everything on pause for me until further notice. In the meantime I want to help people in whatever way I can. So even if it's just sharing my story, I am down for whatever you can use me for. :)

I Thank You, sincerely, for your courage and I am sorry anyone ever put their hands on you. But you are a beautiful, strong soul and your energy radiates. I am grateful to have come across you and I look forward to seeing this project grow and change lives. 

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