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Ashley, 15

Hello, my name is Ashley! I was very close with my brother when I was little and I trusted him. One day we were playing a video game together, I was 5 and he was 10. I asked him why the monkey in the game was clapping his hands together on the mountain and he told me the monkey was having sex. I didn't know what sex was so I asked him and he told me that he would show me. He put his hands down my pants and then said that everyone does it so I shouldn't be afraid. After that my brother started touching me every single day and I had to touch him back. It seemed normal to me because my brother got a hold of one of my dad's porn videos and made me watch it with him. After 1 month my brother started making me give him hand jobs and blowjobs. I cried and said no each time but he forced me to and wouldn't let me walk away until he could see "white stuff", he called it. Afterwards he would take my pants and underwear off and then his. He would pretend to have sex with me but he never raped me. Some days I had to sleep naked with him and my parents never saw because we shared a room so they never asked. One day I told my dad that I gave my brother made me put his private area in my mouth, my dad though yelled at me and said, "Don't you tell your mother or she will throw you against the wall." so I never told her. I was molested and forced to give him "pleasure" everyday and by age 11 things started to get worse. He would put his mouth on my private area and then he would insert his fingers in me. I remember my dad walking past my room and saw but he just continued to walk by. I would like to think that he didn't hear or see anything, because a dad is suppose to help not let it continue. When I was in my dad's room, my brother came in and told me to be quiet and started putting his mouth and fingers down there again and I told him to stop. I wanted to scream to my mom who was home but then I kept remembering what my dad told me when I was 5. Also a little part in me said, "This is completely normal, he said everyone does it." By the time I reached 12 I would hear girls saying that they couldn't wait to have their boyfriends touch them and feel them and then for them to feel them back. I realized that my brother already did this to me and when I was watching Dr. Phil one day I saw that a girl was molested my her brother. I knew then that it was all a lie and what my bother was doing. So one night I was under my bed trying to reach my book that dropped under my bed. My brother came out of nowhere and pulled my off, I could painfully feel my brother putting his finger inside me and then saying, "your wet" even when I knew I wasn't. He was saying how good I looked and I was so scared that finally I decided enough was enough and kicked him hard, threw my shoe at him, and yelled at him to get out. That was the last time he ever touched me. I never told anyone till this year (I am 15) what he did, until one day I tried suicide and told my bff what happened. My bff told her friend whose mom was a social worker. Her mom then called the cops on my brother. I was questioned by a group of detectives who then questioned my brother and he said yes, he did do it to me. My mom though hugged and kissed my brother but told me I was a whore and that in now way would she ever love me. My dad said I was just begging for attention and shunned me for about 3 days. When DYFS came I heard the guy tell my parents that girls talk a lot and they all laughed. This hurt me a lot and I knew that I would not be able to get away from my parents or brother. It has been 3 months since they found out and my mom hates me yet my dad just still stands by. My brother is not in jail because the detectives said it was not a big deal since it happened 2 years ago. I am staying strong though and eventually I want to write a book on what happened. If I ever die on accident, I don't want my parents to say that I was mental, I want people to know my story so I can help others to see  that they are no longer alone like I felt. I tried suicide 16 times but won't no more because I have many reasons to live. I have awesome friends who know about what happened now and they support me. One day I even hope to work at Walt Disney Animation Studios or Disney Pixar.

9 Comments to Ashley, 15:

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