November 7th, 2012 when I took this picture, I don't think many knew where I was or why I was there. I had survived an attack on myself. Pills, a blade and the worst beating I'd ever received by the man who I loved landed me in that room. The days following and even 3 years later, nobody from my family has ever talked about it with me. No one asked me a thing. I will say they all wanted to pretend it didn't happen. OR maybe they didn't know how to handle it correctly as to not make the issue bigger. As I laid in that bed all I wanted was someone's comforting hug (here comes the tears). I was in pain! My heart was broken, my cuts were burning, the bruises hurt, and all I wanted was for someone to say "Hey it's ok. I'm here now to protect you. I love you". But I didn't get that. I got a visit from Children and Families, a visit from my Dad who seems more pissed than anything wanting know who did this to me. I did Dad!! I did it to me!! A visit from my mother who seemed hurt and disappointed. And I felt like I let her down once again! Sorry Mom. Then I had the visits that made me happy! My friend Joanna sat and watched TV with me for a few minutes during her lunch hour and then also visited me in the crazy house and tried to explain to me where I was because I felt lost. Oh and she also teased me about not showering in a couple of days.... So you see my friends, a lot of people didn't know how to deal with my choice to end my life. Although a lot was going on inside of me, today I can tell you that I needed 2 things: 1. To hear one of my loved ones say "It's going to be ok. I love you" and 2. I needed a tight warm hug. This is why I have chosen to participate in the walk on October 11. We will raise awareness on mental health and suicide. You never know who you will need to be there for, your children, your spouse or maybe one day someone will need to help you! Life is crazy and we must be ready for everything. Let's end the stigma on this subject. Start talking about it! Link is in the bio! Donate or even better JOIN ME!!! Let's do this for all the people suffering out there in silence!
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