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moested, molestation, victim, survivor
sexual abuse
speak up
suicide, sexual abuse, molested, molestation, survivor, victim, change, motivation
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Hi Luv,

so I wasn't too sure how to start but I figured I would share my coming out story. At the time that I wanted to come out I wanted to do it right (right for me). I was 20 yrs old and in a serious relationship, and I always told my girlfriend (at the time) that if I had a ring or anything that raised questions I would just come out. I've always been private about my relationships but I would never deny them.  When the time came, my girlfriend bought me a ring with our initials on it. My plan was to take my mother to dinner and talk to her about it. I remember telling my mother over the phone that I wanted to take her to dinner to talk, she was angry and questioning it. I was honestly caught off guard by her anger towards my invitation but then again looking at it now. I see she knew all along that I was a lesbian, she was just trying to avoid the whole conversation. When the day came to take her to dinner, I was at work. I worked at a Bally Total Fitness and my mother was working out. That day I was working in the Day Care center, I will never forget the look on my mothers face when she marched into the room. She was so angry and she kept asking me what it was, I needed to talk about. At some point she began yelling at me and I was just shocked. She yelled at me saying; what is it? Why dinner?? What is it?? Your gay??? You think that's nice?? I was so upset that she would take that moment away from me. All I can say is YES IM LESBIAN... As soon as I said it she stormed out, I remember crying watching her leave. But I couldn't go after her since I was at work. The following days living with my mother was hard, she would tell me I was disgusting everyday. She even told me that she rather I was on drugs or pregnant then be a lesbian. I was crying everyday, I ended up staying at my girlfriends place for a week just to avoid my mother. At the time I worked full time and I was in college as a full time student so I didn't want to lose my focus. After being gone for a week I went home, my mother was waiting for me in the living room sitting in the couch. She told me we needed to talk. I remember seeing my older brother with his son in the bedroom. I just sat down and listened to her, she was angry and told me I can't keep disrespecting her. That if I live there I am to go to work and go to school and go straight home. That to be her daughter I can not be a lesbian and if I couldn't go by her rules. She would change the locks, I will have to leave and I will no longer be her daughter. So as defeated as I felt I told her I was saving money and that I plan to move out the following weeks. The next thing I know she was yelling and I saw her getting up to leave. Instead she got up and attacked me with a knife, all I can remember was my arms and my face burning. I was kicking her off me and screaming. Some how my older brother came out, and I felt like was going to be saved but instead he held my arms down while my mother attacked me. It was the biggest betrayal I ever faced and when it was all done, I called my girlfriend and cried. I couldn't even talk I was in shock. My arms were cut up and everything burned. I left with the clothes on my back and I just threw a hoodie on to hide my arms. My girlfriend who lived in Bklyn paid a Cab to pick me up from the Bronx. I met up with her an hr later and I was still in shock. She looked so angry and heart broken. It took hrs for her to convince me to let her see what my mother had done. I cried taking off my hoodie, the cuts in my arms stuck to my hoodie b/c of the blood. My girlfriend and her mother took care of me. A few days later I was able to get the rest of my clothes, I moved in with my girlfriend. I lived with her for 2 yrs and for those 2 yrs, I didn't speak to my mother. Fast forward to today my mother and I had many conversations and not all have gone my way. We've both made a lot if efforts to repair our Mother/Daughter Relationship. I know today she is proud to have a lesbian daughter, and she's not afraid to tell me or anyone. I've come a long way in life and I know my past has made me the strong woman that I am today. I live my life on the open and I have so many things to be grateful for.

I hope this helps give you a little insight on my life... ✌️

Thank you,

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