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Survivor's

Tiffany, 12 yrs old





Hello my name is Tiffany I am 12 years old. I have been going through a lot. I have been sexually molested since I was seven years old by my grandmothers husband. I couldnt tell my mom what happened because he threatened me. And I was afraid! Finally a year and a half ago i had a break down and told my mom. She was so upset but i saw my mom in a different way. She immediatly told me that she was happy i told her and that she would make sure he never hurt anyone ever again! She called the cops and she fought with a district attorney and finally after a year on  September 23,2015 he was sent to a state prison for 8-20 years. My mom cries a lot because she feels guilty for letting me at my grams house. Even though he is in jail im so depressed and suicidal...my mom is fighting for me so much i hate that shes hurting...but i know she really loves me...i am seeing drs every weekcuz i want to die...i feel so damaged...i dont think i will ever feel right. My mom says she will be there every second even though i get so mad at her sometimes shes my rock. I love her so much! This is my story..id love to tell everyone to speak up and ask for help! And parents need to listen like my mom does she wont stop fighting and im so lucky to have her!

My Survivor Story - Esperanza Nevarez

Click image to access Esperanza's Blog




This is very hard to do but I feel it must be done, not only for me but for those who have suffered the same injustice I have. My only hope for those going through this silently to know that you ate not alone and I am here to help. There is always someone there to help just don't keep it inside. Well it first happened when i was 15. My mothers boyfriend raped me and took my virginity. Apparently i was set up by some very sadistic people who thought nothing of my safety. The bastard even had the nerve to show up to my home the next day wanting to check up on me! Crazy huh? The police told me he had been grooming me since i was 6 because that's how long he had been in my life. I did end up pregnant but being only 15 and not really in any hurry to grow up I didn't understand what being pregnant was. And my mother, who was abusive, didn't care enough to explain. All I knew was that I was a baby having a baby and I didn't want it. I prayed and prayed for this nightmare not to be real and one day I think God heard my prayer and knew that I wasn't ready. I started started having pains that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Then the bleeding happened. My mother, instead of taking me to the doctor told me to lay down and said if I lose this baby it will be my fault. She actually made me feel bad for what was going on, I didn't know what was happening to my body, honestly. Well she went to another one of my court dates the next day leaving me by myself with pains that got even worse. I felt like I had to go to the bathroom so I went and then something came out of me that gave me the biggest relief. Suddenly all of my pain stopped. I jumped up and saw something i couldn't explain but i knew what it was. I called my brother girlfriends mom immediately and then bloody and all I ran to her home. I didn't know what to do. She comforted me and told me that I had just had my baby in the toilet. She called the ambulance and went with me to the hospital. My mother was alerted and the first thing she asked me was, "Did you get it out of the toilet?" What?  Yes, that's what she asked. I told her no because I didn't know what it was; she blamed me for that too. Well he was in jail and during that time his whole family threatened me especially his wife. They threatened my life and the life of my unborn baby, I didn't feel safe, I wanted to run away and hide. My rape counselor advised I see a therapist for what happened especially since after only serving 7 months for what he did to me he was released. My mother decided to move our family to Wisconsin almost 2 years later because I started spiraling downward. Depression and anger took control over me worse than it had already done. Plus what I didn't know was that I was suffering from postpartum depression. Well I had decided to go to a counselor in Wisconsin and she helped me so much. I was able to heal to the point where I wasn't too afraid of even my own shadow. I wasn't too scared to leave the house. Well a year later my mother decided it was best to be around family so she moved us to Indiana. By this time I was 18 and I was in a much better place. I even started going back to church and volunteering at church for a lot of different activities. Hey I even made a few friends out there and started a relationship with a guy. Little did I know my happiness would be short lived. Just 5 days after I had turned 19 my friends older brother decided I had something he wanted and he took it despite me fighting. I felt so helpless, I felt worthless and blamed myself because I made friends with this girl. I felt it must have been my fault, there was something about me that made men want to hurt me this way. It was my fault somehow. I told myself that and decided that the police would not help me just like last time. That he would get away with it, just like last time, so I didn't report it. I didn't tell anyone not even my family, i just brushed off all questions. I did however confront him 6 weeks later when I found out that I was pregnant. I was petrified, honestly, i was shaking so hard you could see it. I told him what he did and I told him the results and I told him what I was going to do. I planned to give the baby up for adoption because even though it was rape I didn't believe in abortions. So I contacted an adoption agency and decided on doing an open adoption with a possible closed adoption, I wasn't sure. At 20 weeks I was measuring a little too big and the doctor thought it could be twins or something so he sent me to get an emergency ultrasound. I didnt have enough time to get ahold of my adoption counselor beforehand. The ultrasound started and I saw something that warmed my heart so fast, i fell in love and broke down. I cried and cried and cried because at the moment it became real. Not only did I get raped but there a real live baby inside of me and she looked just like me. My nose, my eyes, the shape of my round face, God let me see what I was going to give away. I truely feel he wanted something else out of this situation, my baby girl is 7 now and is the best decision I have ever made. She loves me unconditionally even when I was feeling like I didn't deserve it. Im not going to say it was an easy road after having her because by the time I had her, her faced changed. She was born looking like him, that really messed me up but I played the motions. I was in love with this little girl regardless. I moved out of my mothers home a year later and was woking and taking care of my little girl and I. I was enjoying the struggles of being a mommy. When I say struggles I really struggles. My baby had started getting sick on a regular right after she turned 1. This was not something I was ready for. I was working at a gas station out in Plainfield, IN in 2011 and customers loved my happy personality and my mature mind. They loved the fact that I was putting myslef through school so that I could become a Nurse Practitioner. I guess one day I was so swamped at work that I didnt notice a customer who was trying to ask me out. I guess he felt disrespected because I ddint respond to him. Truth be told, I didn't know he was there, I was too busy taking acre of other customers to noticed him trying to ask me out. Heck, I was the only one working that day, like always. I didn't know that day he decided to get revenge and teach me respect. Christmas eve of 2011 I left work at 11:15pm and headed home to my sick baby who had Croup again. My friend had kept her while I was working and she went home shortly after I came into the house. I took my shower and sat in a chair in my living and turned on my favorite movie of all time, Meet Me in St. Louis. I fell asleep on the floor of my living room watching that movie and woke up to a knife around my neck. My dirst instinct was to fight back and try to see who it was. I felt what I thought was a scratch on my neck then I heard a voice tell me to stop moving. He started to take my pants down so I started fighting again. This time I felt a sharp cut go across my neck again then blood. I stopped immediately. He cut my neck twice but my adrenaline was up so I really didn't feel too much pain. The smart thing I was when he dropped the knife in the struggle I put up I saw it. He looked away to get his gun, I grabbed the knife and threw it toward my bag I had next to my chair. I hit the table to make just as a cover up. I looked around for my phone but I couldnt find it. He told me to stand up slapped me, told me to keep quiet and then lead me out of the door. The names he called me I won't repeat. He got me into the van where he raped me the first tim. Slapping and punching me as he did this, telling me he was going to teach me a lesson and that I as nothing but garbage. He told me was going to sell me. The more I cried the harder he hit me, he hit me until I shut up. I started praying silently asking God for him to make sure my baby was okay and asking him to please let someone find me now. I felt a stick and a few minutes later I was out. I came back to I don't know when but I knew I wasn't home. I saw bright lights and I was cold and naked. I started crying and screaming but I was tied down to a bed. This time it was more men there. Someone hit me a few times i felt another stick in my arm and then I was out. This cycle happened I don't know how many times. The last thing I remembered was waking up to hearing dogs and seeing wierd lights. I passed back out and woke up in a different room.I as warm nder so blankets and in a lot of pain. My face and whole body hurt so bad. I woke up fighting and screaming these people had to sedate me again because I was  out of control. I woke up again a few hours later tied to the bed again. I fought some more but an officer got me to calm down, I begged them to let me out of the restraints. I wanted my baby, I didn't know where she was. They told me that they wanted to ask me some questions. I told them I wouldn't answer anything until I saw my daughter. 15 minutes later this big headed 2 year old came into my room looking so healthy. I hugged her something fierce and cried and kissed her everywhere. I checked her to see if she was harmed. Then she said, "happy year mommy, do you feel better now." I looked at my friend and she said, " You were sick, thats why you are here." The nurse took my daughter to get coloring papers as my friend told me how she was worried about my daughter and how she tried calling me but couldn't reach me. So she came to my house banged on my door and kept calling but no answer. She saw my patio door was opened so she came in and saw blood everywhere. She heard my daughter upstairs coughing. She looked for me in my house before calling the police. She took care of my baby girl while I was gone. The police came back in and started asking me questions and wanting me to do a written statement. The nurses started shoving pills down my throat and antibiotics in my IV. Things were a bit hazy after that, but I asked them if they found the knife in my bag by my living room chair. They looked at me like I was crazy. I told them what I did and they made a call to go research my home. The officer said that one quick thought just saved my life.  I asked them if they found the guy and they told me that they had escaped once they realized the police was getting close. He told me that they left me for dead in the abandoned house. They found me 13 miles away from home in Brooklyn, Indiana, I lived in Mooresville, Indiana. My mind was moving so fast I didn't know what to think. The next day I was released from the hospital and had to go home back to my home. I was too afraid to stay there. My attackers were still on the loose and they were last seen only 13 miles away from my home. I made a phone call to a family friend in Chicago and she told me to come there. I booked a bus ticket for my daughter and I and I fled. I ran so fast I only packed our essentials and left everything else. I got to Chicago at around midnight that night never felt safer. I thought I was in a better place. I couldn't leave the house however, everything frightened me. I was back in that same place but this time everything felt darker. I couldn't talk literally looking at myself I was to kill myself I was at an all time new low. My only strength was my daughter her hugs kept me some what alive. Alive enough to do for her. Me, I didn't care about at all. I couldn't eat because the pills and antibiotics they gave me in hospital, plus I was depressed. I just wanted to be by myself and away from the world. 3 days after I fled to Chicago I got a call saying they found one of the guys that was involved. I felt relief but they said he was not talking. They eventually found the other guys but with all honesty my case never made it past the deposition because I was too afraid to go back. My fear kept me from going and that made me even more depressed. I blamed myself for everything because I felt I deserved what I got. I tried killing myself but I guess God said no because I threw up every pill I took that night.  For 4 years I went from bad to worse to just living like a zombie, playing the motions. In 2013 met a friend during that time after I moved to Bloomington, IL. She knew I had major trust issues and we had a lot of things in common. We became fast friend and she became the only person in the world I could trust. She had only boys and no girls so she feel in love with my baby girl, just like everyone else who met her. Her family treated me like family from day one. It was a love I can say I never felt before, not even from my abusive mother. It was during that time my daughters behavior started to changed and she also started getting sicker more often. I couldn't handle it I didn't feel I was strong enough, I felt defeated and alone. It seemed that every time I felt my lowest she caught me to pick me back up. Her mother shared her story with me and I shared what little I could with her. I held all my emotions in however and became very emotionally distant from everything excluding my daughter. For 4 years I lived in that fog and the nightmares and paranoia kept coming. They got so back I was screaming in my sleep and didn't know it. My daughter woke me up one night crying because she thought something was wring with me. She told me she heard me screaming. It was that night that I hit rock bottom, I had a night terror that involved my daughter father and my attackers. They were rapped my baby in front of me and there was nothing I could do. I tried everything to get to her but I couldn't get to her. My baby was screaming for me and I felt helpless for not being able to get to her. I tried waking up but I couldn't so I tried screaming for help. I thought I was only screaming in my dream but I wasn't. I called my friend panicking telling her what happened and felt the depression getting worse in that instance. She heard it too and rushed over. I just wanted to die I begged her to take my daughter so that she wouldn't see me commit my deed and she said no. She told me I was stronger than this and that she will be with me until I felt better. I called to get a therapist that Monday broke down some more and started emergency therapy that Wednesday. There I was diagnosed with severe PTSD and Severe Anxiety Disorder. I still kept my feelings bottled up because I couldn't trust and every time I tried to talk my anxiety kicked in bad and I would go mute. I literally couldn't talk. Christmas Eve of 2015 I was at my best friends home for Christmas as usual and someone asked me how could I let myself get raped. I brushed off the question as if it didn't bother me but for some reason that night I couldn't hold it in any longer. I took myself for a walk with the intent to not return. I was going to run. I just wanted this pain to stop, I felt that I had been running long enough and was tired so very tired. I ran and ran and ran. My friend tried calling me on my phone but I was in a different place. I was so deep in that fog that everything seemed like a far away echo. I was slipping away one stones throw away from admitting myself to the 3rd floor of the hospital. She finally caught up with me and I heard her voice a little louder that time a little clearer and fell to the ground. I cried and cried and cried. I think i cried for an hour. She held me the whole time and was time. Flashbacks were going through me head at an all time high. Her husband tried to console me but all I saw was my attackers face and my living room. She just held me as I begged for the pain to stop. In all the time I've known her I have never heard her pray, but she started praying and didn't stop. She prayed so hard for me at that time, her voice started sounding clearer. The fog was getting less dense. I started saying things that I was aware of like the grass we were sitting on and and my wet pants the cold air. She reminded me of my daughter and how she was waiting for me in her house. I started fighting back, I didn't want to give up anymore. I didn't want to feel defeated anymore. I found strength through her she help me find my strength because I was so weak that it affected me physically I literally could not move. We finally stood up and finished praying and yes God is good, I felt and instance release. That fog I had felt for 4 years was gone. I couldnt wait to tell my therapist because I didn't let myslef cry for 4 years. I didn't let myself feel for 4 years. Today I am in a much better place, I'm not completely better but guess what I'm finding myself healing everyday. I'm finding myself find myself everyday. I am much happier and as I write this I am crying tears but they aren't tears of sorrow they are tears of happiness because I know that God has me. I survived and I am no longer letting what happened to me kill me everyday because I have found a new strength. I have to tell myself this everyday and it works.You can get through, I know it seems tough now but you will get through it. I do have anger issues from this but I am working on that with my therapist. I just hope that I can help someone going through this. I hope the person reading knows that I love you and God loves you too! 

Halima Layeni - My Life After Abuse









MY LIFE AFTER ABUSE

I am a living proof that anyone can turn things around. From a nadir of emotions in which I struggled with abuse and resentment, I have willed myself to focus on the strength I possess and the fact that I alone can determine how my life turns out.

My sexual abuse started when I was about six years old, and on it went until I was about eleven, most of it coming from friends and family folks who were meant to protect me. Throughout my life, I have been abused by six people – five men and one woman. 

My first abuser was the son of a close family friend, who molested me several times. He would invite me to his room, take off my clothes and underwear and start touching my genitals. If he wasn't getting the satisfaction he wanted, he would himself strip and attempt penetration. He did this every time he spotted me around for over four years of my life.

I never talked to anyone about it because right from childhood I was used to keeping things to myself. Though he never  threatened me about telling anyone, I kept it to myself nonetheless. Worse still, I was too ashamed to share it with my mother or anyone else since it was exactly what she had been protecting me from and warning me against. It became a normal routine for me and I just never struggled with him or try to stop him. 

I used to feel intense pain in the mornings, particularly during bathing: it hurt so badly. I often cried all by myself in the bathroom, and when I was done having my bath, I would wipe my face and pretend nothing was wrong.

At eleven years of age, I was already well exposed and experienced enough to stand up for myself whenever anyone tried to take advantage of me. My relative had a son who was around his mid-twenties at the time, who always came to try to touch me sexually. I initially gave in to him because of my history of sexual abuse but eventually got absolutely fed up over time. I was in fact always irritated by his advances because we were related.

That was the breaking point for me: I made up my mind to stop anyone from ever abusing me again. The obsession of my own relative had now laid the platform for me, and I built on it. I came to realize that every touch, every kiss I ever got or gave was wrong. I started to realize that everything that had been going on in my life was not right. I suddenly realized that in all my life so far, people had merely been taking undue advantage of me, and then I decided resolutely that no one would ever exact such satisfaction of me again.


For a very long time, I did not want to be alive because of my scars. I was suicidal and always angry at everything and anyone who couldn't relate to the fact that I was angry at life. I had to struggle with pain, rejection, depression, hate, anger, and unforgiveness.

Rejection, because I felt alone in the world, like the only one with insurmountable struggles. Depression, because I had so much bottled in – so much pain and agony. I was suffering so much that I couldn't even save myself if I had wanted to. Unforgiveness, because I couldn't bring myself to forgive myself for everything I had made myself go through. So many nights, I'd cry myself to sleep and wish all the memories would be erased by morning. Anger, because I felt vulnerable. I wanted more than anything to see the abusers suffer, and that wasn't happening. And worse still, I couldn't do anything about the situation, so it killed me inside.

After all my bad experiences and all the struggles I had going on in my life, I looked at my life and came to the conclusion that I was a total failure. I focused on my weaknesses. Even when I had the courage to do something, I often expected it to not turn out well, so I never tried. I had the mind of a failure, I had the attitude of a failure, so I failed at virtually everything.


The first 19 years until my healing were the most challenging. I chose to let my abuse mould me into someone I could never be proud of. It was a deep cut. It was easy to blame everything I was on my experience as a bitter person and give excuses for it. To an extent, my abuse was the reason to be the way I was; but I had a choice to either play by the rules and blame it on society, or restart my life and start thinking.

Amidst all the unrest going on in my life, somehow I found God. I found comfort in his love and peace and I was consoled by his promises for my life. He saw me in my darkest moment and loved me in spite of my story. He embraced my scars and called me his own. He filled that vacuum and gave me an expected end – hope. His salvation has given me hope, peace, life, a future, guidance, unconditional love, pride, and reassurance.

The healing started for me when I forgave myself for everything I had made myself go through. All my life since my healing, I had made myself pay for someone else's mistake. I realized that true forgiveness comes from within: the ability to forgive myself was enough for me to finally see the light. Yes, there are definitely scars, but the reality is, it isn't and was never my fault.

I got in total control of my life and how I wanted to feel and I deliberately chose not to be miserable; I chose to live a normal life, I trained myself to forget, managed the pain, fed my soul with healing things, stayed dedicated to them, and gradually the pain faded away. Day after day, I convinced myself that I was not a victim but a fighter.

I accepted myself and embraced my scars and flaws. I couldn't change a thing about what had happened so I stopped worrying about it.  Hurting myself only left me feeling worse, and I had everything to lose so I decided choosing to live on purpose would change everything, which is the whole point of life.  I had not the slightest idea of why those things had happened but knew it was part of God's plan for my life and I am thankful that he chose me to fight this fight.

I found myself. This was the most beautiful part of my healing process because when I fell in love with myself, I became indestructible. When you genuinely love yourself, you're happy, you're content, you're at peace. You'll breathe fine; you can be/ do anything you want and conquer the world. I strongly believed in myself and everything I stood for. I started focusing on my strength and gradually my life began to take a new turn. I discovered my purpose, set realistic goals for myself, and followed my most intense obsessions tenaciously.

Getting over my abuse was a huge step, but it was a stepping stone to getting over other issues in my life. My abuse had laid the foundation of strength and power. I am at a very good place in my life right now and there is no turning back.

I hope the days come easy, and each day you choose to become a better person for yourself. I hope that one day you reach that place where I am today and even surpass it. I hope you find your own place, peace, purpose, joy, and love in this world. But above all, I hope you find God and hold on to him forever.

Enjoy the journey.

Halima Layeni

IG: @lifeafterabuse

Carly - Indiana - 17

Hello, 
My name is Carly and I'm from Indiana. When I was 5 years old I was adopted into a wonderful family. I was so happy I was finally going to get a chance at having a happy life. 
When I was 6 years old my dad came into the bathroom and he was supposed to help me get ready. He started to touch me in certain places and then looked at me and said if I said anything I would never get to see my mom or my siblings again. So I got scared and kept quiet.
As I got older the molestation got worse. He would take me to his room and try to have sex with me and do all sorts of things as I would scream and fight him off. 
When I was 13 I got raped by a boy I had just met at the pool. I was really freaked out and didn't want to come home. My sister ended up finding out and told my mom. My mom so angry at me and disappointed she had me start going with my dad everywhere. 
So now I had to go with him on fishing trips and hunting trips. I begged my mom to let me stay home. She wouldn't let me. So every time I would go with my dad he would get really drunk and molest me in the boat or in the motel. 
When I was 14 I got in trouble for messaging a guy asking him to kidnap me so I could get away from my dad. My mom asked me why and I was so angry I told my mom everything. I was done and I thought she wouldn't believe me and I didn't care I was just done hiding it. She believed me. She believed me over her husband and she divorced him. Earlier this year he killed himself. 
I am now 17 years old and I am in therapy and I got my life on track now. All I want to do is help others who went through similar experiences.

Erika - 30 - Florida

November 7th, 2012 when I took this picture, I don't think many knew where I was or why I was there. I had survived an attack on myself. Pills, a blade and the worst beating I'd ever received by the man who I loved landed me in that room. The days following and even 3 years later, nobody from my family has ever talked about it with me. No one asked me a thing. I will say they all wanted to pretend it didn't happen. OR maybe they didn't know how to handle it correctly as to not make the issue bigger. As I laid in that bed all I wanted was someone's comforting hug (here comes the tears). I was in pain! My heart was broken, my cuts were burning, the bruises hurt, and all I wanted was for someone to say "Hey it's ok. I'm here now to protect you. I love you". But I didn't get that. I got a visit from Children and Families, a visit from my Dad who seems more pissed than anything wanting know who did this to me. I did Dad!! I did it to me!! A visit from my mother who seemed hurt and disappointed. And I felt like I let her down once again! Sorry Mom. Then I had the visits that made me happy! My friend Joanna sat and watched TV with me for a few minutes during her lunch hour and then also visited me in the crazy house and tried to explain to me where I was because I felt lost. Oh and she also teased me about not showering in a couple of days.... So you see my friends, a lot of people didn't know how to deal with my choice to end my life. Although a lot was going on inside of me, today I can tell you that I needed 2 things: 1. To hear one of my loved ones say "It's going to be ok. I love you" and 2. I needed a tight warm hug. This is why I have chosen to participate in the walk on October 11. We will raise awareness on mental health and suicide. You never know who you will need to be there for, your children, your spouse or maybe one day someone will need to help you! Life is crazy and we must be ready for everything. Let's end the stigma on this subject. Start talking about it! Link is in the bio! Donate or even better JOIN ME!!! Let's do this for all the people suffering out there in silence!
Aiirekah 
To help her reach her goal please click here to Donate

Haileigh -17- Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands

My name is Haileigh. I live in Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands. I am currently 17 years old. I was nine when my uncle moved in with my mom and me. I thought it was a great idea because I didn't have a male figure in my life, as my father left my mom and me when I was very young. It started off great. My uncle was doing well, he got custody of his son, and we were all livings together. A few months past and at the time I didn't realize my uncle was becoming a lot more touchy with me. I thought nothing of it, I thought it was normal. Then one night, he came into my room while I was still awake, and just sat and watched me. I told him I needed to get ready for bed so he would have to leave, he said it was fine for me to change in front of him, I was very nervous, but I did it anyways. He would did that for a few weeks. Then he would get into my bed with me and tell me everything was going to be alright. When he would do those things, he would sternly tell me I was not allowed to tell anyone. It went from watching me, to getting into my bed within a few weeks. I guess after he got tired of just laying down with me, he started to touch me all over. I told him to stop but said he wouldn't. After that was over, one night when I was sleeping in my room he came into my room, and started to undress me. I woke up scared, because I didn't know what was going on so I told him to stop, but he didn't. He continued to undress me until I was stripped down naked. He told me to sit on top of him, I told him I wouldn't, so he picked me up and put me on top of him. That same night is when I was raped by a person who I used to trust. Every night he would say the same thing, "hold still, this is not wrong because I like it". He continued to rape me for about two years without me telling anyone. I felt ashamed of what I had let happened. I'm glad I told someone what was happening because if I didn't, I'm sure I wouldn't be here typing this. I know for me, telling someone what happened was the hardest thing I have done. There are so many emotions going through you, but it is the best thing that I've done.  

Irina, 26, Tampa FL



My names Irina Massiel pero people call me Nina.  I'm a 26 yr old.  I was molested and raped numerous times by my biological father from the ages of 4 and possibly younger, until I was about 8 & that's only because he got scared after I told my mom, who at the time didn't believe me. It got to the point where because it all started when I was so young, I didn't understand this wasn't normal. For me I was indifferent if older men/women put their hands on me and touched me inappropriately. I was bothered by it but also numb to it. And the only reason I even said anything, is because I was sleeping in my parents bed one night and my father started to touch me and I was offended and in shock because my mom was sleeping right next to me. And in my little head I was thinking I don't care if you touch me, just don't do this in front of my mother. Don't disrespect her. Definitely a twisted way to see things, I know, but I didn't know better until I spoke up. 

After that it was a downhill spiral. There's were others who had attempted to molest me but I fought back. My life was shattered because the two people who made me, who were supposed to teach and protect me from the dangers of this world had both given me their backs. My father by his actions and my mother with her LACK OF action. I stopped caring about life. By 10 I was drinking and smoking and by 14, I had attempted suicide twice and was an avid cutter. I became a wreck and considered prostitution until I met my ex girl at 15. With her help I somewhat got my shit together, started soul searching and distracted myself with her & school. But all that rage and confusion was still eating me up inside. I unfortunately did experience a mental breakdown in my early 20's, which led to me finally getting professional help and just talking about it. In order to function all those years, my mind had put a block up on a lot of things that happened, which unfortunately for me , started resurfacing during certain therapy sessions. So as I progressed, I was remembering more and more. At that point I decided I didn't want to be a victim anymore. I didn't want this to own me or have a hold on me. I am a warrior, a survivor and I wanted to carry myself as such. So since then it's been a rocky road but I am definitely not who I was and although I am still learning and working on myself, I am much more at peace then I have ever been. I am now a professional woman, getting my school on and working on making all my goals a reality, taking it all step by step. 

I don't want kids to go through what I went through. I had no one. I was lost because even when I did speak up, it was dismissed by my mother. I was told to respect my father, that he was probably drunk and that I probably just took it the wrong way. I heard that woman say so many excuses until the day she finally realized the truth, which wasn't until a couple years ago. I don't want anyone else to live that. So I decided at one point that I wanted to finally speak up about it. I've been working on it with my talk therapist. . I reached out to some contacts of mine, who put me in touch with BACA and CCAN, as well as the Ali Forney Center in NY; all who are very awesome and have amazing people working for them. Unfortunately there was a major crisis in my family last year that ultimately has put everything on pause for me until further notice. In the meantime I want to help people in whatever way I can. So even if it's just sharing my story, I am down for whatever you can use me for. :)

I Thank You, sincerely, for your courage and I am sorry anyone ever put their hands on you. But you are a beautiful, strong soul and your energy radiates. I am grateful to have come across you and I look forward to seeing this project grow and change lives. 

Ashley, 22, FL

      



    My name is Ashley and I want to tell my story in hopes that it will encourage other teens and young adults to find their voice and speak up about the abuse they might have gone through. It should never be too late to prosecute someone that hurts you. My efforts regarding making some changes in the law to protect children who have been molested prior to age 21 and wanting to press charges as an adult began once I found my voice and went to the police to report my abuse.
    I was molested at the age of 13 years old until I was 18 years old by my 23 year old cousin James Rashawn Johnson.  I kept this a secret to protect my parents from going to jail and leaving me and my two brothers without any parents. Both of my brothers have a disability.  I thought at the age of 13 this was the best thing to do to keep my family together and protect my Aunt from loosing one of her sons especially after the death of my grandfather. 
I was 20 years old when my family found out.  I received counseling immediately and decided to press charges. It took me 6 months to work on my timeline and course of events with my counselor. This was very hard to do because I had to relive such painful and humiliating memories. My parents and I went to the police together and it took all day. The police were very nice and they did a controlled phone call and I had to talk to Rashawn on the phone. They got him on tape confessing of his crime and apologizing for what he did to me. I could not believe that even with this evidence they were still unable to arrest him. You see it was then we found out there was a Statute of limitations and I missed my chance to press charges by 60 days. Currently the law protects the predators and this was not acceptable to be.
    When I told my parents how serious I was my mom spoke with Brandy Macaluso (victim of crime specialist) who put her in touch with an Attorney named Michael Dolce who helps other survivors that have been abused. He wrote the draft bill to change the statute of limitations. We met with Senator Benacquisto’s assistant in Ft. Myers and we were informed that she was willing to sponsor the Bill in the Senate. Representative Mark Pafford assisted us in understanding this process and sent the draft to the house. State Attorney David Aronberg met with us and allowed us to use his office and staff to meet and support. I felt totally supported by my parents, Pastor Stanley and Youth Pastor Guerra along with the two Detectives from Boynton Police department all met with us to start the process. Everything started to take a life of it’s own when my parents along with Genevieve Cousminer (Executive Director of CILO) and Attorney Dolce met with Mr. Ron Book. We received help from Mr. Ron Book the father of Lauren Book she is the director of Lauren's Kids.  He is a top lobbyist in the state of Florida and is supporting this Statute change. He was very helpful and shared his story of his daughter Lauren. He understood my dad very well.
    We currently have sponsors for the proposed bill in both the House of Representative (bill 445) and Florida Senate (bill 494). It’s not easy to have both the Republicans and Democrats willing to work together. I believe that God is using my voice and my story to help others. This statute change will protect all children and young adults like me that find the courage to speak out at any age and will allow them the ability to prosecute anyone who hurts them.

A call to my childhood rapist

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A call to my childhood rapist teacher
I am 28 years old and have been waiting years to get up enough courage to report a teacher for sexually abusing me for years. When I finally got up enough courage to report her, I found out that the s...

I am beyond proud of this young lady! If she has the power and strength, so do you! Please share. 

Survivor Dream



Hello, 

I'm Dream and I have a story to share. From the age of 3 to 13 I was molested by someone who I thought was family. So I grew up not trusting a soul. To me not even those who were suppose to protect and love me did just that. In my eyes everyone failed me. I was broken, destroyed and grew up to be very Dysfunctional! Lost respect for myself because I felt that any worth I had was robed from me already so no one could take anything from me or hurt me anymore. I felt I had control but reality was, I lost every bit of control. Now I can sit back and say I've conquered a lot in life because I'm so much better now and I've forgiven. The most important thing to know and remember is that it's never your fault and to forgive because not forgiving the one who hurt you will keep you stuck and in pain. It will hinder you from being happy and living a healthy life. God bless all those who have forgiven and have shared their stories. 

Dream   

Rape Axe Condom...yay or ney? (rape prevention product)

(Click on picture for full article)

Please read the article to get familiar with the product. There is a lot of controversy about this rape prevetion product. Most agree, but there are those very few that feel like this may cause trauma to those that are not victims of abuse. Me personally,  I'd rather the person rapist to suffer the consequences and prevent any future events. I especially think this item would be great use for those victims that are still being victimized by a predator. Those that do not know how to speak up, or have proof that they are being raped. What do toy guys think?  Will this be a benefit to women/men or will this really cause panic to those who have not gone through this horrific experience? 

Rape Insurance?

Can you guys believe this?  Click on the picture to view  the video and let me know what you guys think.  They are basically saying that rape victims should be prepared before they get raped. The fuckery.

Bisexual Toys? Wth?

So... I was listening to a Spanish radio station the other day, and they were talking about bisexual toys. Huh? Exactly what i thought lol! Basically they had a discussion about what if a toy, can basically damage a child or confuse him/her based off of their toy preference. Like boys shouldn't play with barbies, and girls shouldn't play with cars. Do you think this can make a difference in a child's future? Can their preference in toys really distinguish  a child's sexual orientation at such an early stage?

Allison

 
My 13 year old cousin molested me when I was 6. I don't remember how long it went on for, but when I was 13, he was put in the icu because he had attempted suicide. I prayed for him to die, but he recovered. He started coming around.d more often after that. He would ask about my sex life and refer to me as 'sexy'. He even made inappropriate comments about my friends. That's when I finally told someone about what he had done. 7 years of silence finally broke. People started treating me differently after that. My cousin couldn't get in any legal trouble since I had no evidence that he molested me and I blame myself for that. I'm 16 now and Im suffering from ptsd, depression, and anxiety. I have flashbacks of those experiences with him everyday. I can't have a normal relationship with a boy. I self harm and I've been hospitalized because of it and multiple suicide attempts. I hate myself more than anything in the world. I am a victim, and I'm trying to get better. I believe in the mayimba project

Eileen, NY

 
Well it all started when I was around 9 years old. I was hanging out with my one of my closest family member & some one else from my family. It was us three in the room but the other two were high off of drugs & really didn't know what was going on. I was sitting on the floor next to one of the them & I remembered that he looked around to see if the other one was paying attention & of course he wasn't. Then he looked at me & started to touch me in a way that I didn't know what was going on & I was terrified. I got up & left the room. I was confused about what was going on. As I got older, it happened to me more than once with multiple people. Now that I'm almost 30 years old no one still doesn't know what happen to me & what I been through expect two of my cousins & my mother.  When my mother found out she was upset at me & once again my frustration came back. She saw that I was hurt & asked me why I never said anything. I told her that I was scared to saying anything because the other person that was in the room was my father.  She looked at me & started to cry. She did believe me & I was so happy about that. Now I don't dwell on the past & I surely don't think about it. There's no excuse for anyone to go through this but I did forgive but I will never forget. I know there's so many people out there that went through the same thing & scared just like how I was, don't be! Your not alone! Speak up & don't hold it in, trust me once its out you will feel a lot better & if no one believes you please you can hit me up whenever you want. God bless
 
Eileen Lopez
 
Thank you for hearing me out if you want you can put this up on your site and leave my email address with it. I appreciate you doing this for everyone. Thank you.
 
Eileen can be reached at: eileenlopez27@gmail.com

Julie Rivas

(click picture to be directed to her organization)
 
 
 
Dear Mayimba,
 
First of all I wanted to take the time to say  that I am honored and blessed  to have been able to get to know you and see all about your healing journey and the impact you have made on so many including my life, you definitely are continuing to make such a huge difference.
As the Founder of S.D.I.A.G, I had to dig deep because it was probably one of the hardest things for me to do to com out behind a façade filled life of smiles, and   perfectionist driven work and school ethic most people were used to from me , and admit that the Julie  most of the world knew ( accept closed loved once), was not the real Julie.. See the Julie the world knew ( People from  school ,work, College I graduated from , and people I met along the way) knew me as the Happy Julie, who was driven, helpful to so many and at times prone to have a temper tantrum here and there. Little did most of the world know prior to June of 2013 ( when I officially launched my organization), that the real Julie was a very sad, hurt, depressed and mistrusting girl who hid behind her smile because she learned early one – if you smile people don’t ask “what’s wrong.”
My story of hiding begins back in France when I was only 2 years of age. Although I don’t remember being raped that early ( my earliest memory was at age 3), my oldest brother witnessed me being raped at 2 by my mother boyfriend. I became of Victim of my mother’s alcoholic and drug using boyfriend from Age 2-8. I was often tortured, raped so many times I can’t truly remember the exact number of times, and brutally physically abused and tortured over the years as well. My mother who too was an alcoholic, and heroin addict did nothing to stop Claude ( my abuser) from doing the things he did, many days she encouraged it. My brother suffered the same fait, although she would try to protect him from the sexual assaults. I still have physical scars of torture I endures. My mother also let another male rape me, when she attempted to get to a women home; and never stopped anything from happening.
So  I was a lost , abandoned and unloved motherless child.
When my Biological father got custody of me, he too was never home being that he was special forces and left me with his then wife who to physically abused me . He divorced her , and later re-married a woman I considered to be the mother I almost wanted. My father however (who too was an alcoholic ) physically and mentally abused her; although he treated me like a princess. He gave me everything I wanted.. When my father got custody of my older brother I was 12; and he broke the silence telling all that had happened to me . Although previous doctor visits confirmed sexual and physical abuse I was always too afraid and ashamed to admit it being that I thought likes most victims – which this was my fault, I was a bad girl and this is what I deserved. Also being that my brother was still in France with my mother, I was too afraid to admit anything out of fear Claude would kill my brother, as he promised he would the day I left France.
After some therapy we all started a new chapter, I became focused on academics more than ever; and stopped going to therapy- my father thought I was okay without it.. So I dealt with things the way I always did , nightmares would come –I would wake up and make sure Claude was not there; other memories would be triggered I put them behind me and acted like my past never happened. In this, I kept people at a distance, never truly learned how to love, trust, have friendships etc. because I was never in an environment where I could learn this. Not until I came to the US from Germany and met my now husband in 2006. He came from a family full of love and happiness something I had never seen before. He is the first person who never gave up on me, regardless of me being different , often distant and often wanted to end the relationship out of fear he would change he stood by my side.. However this time last year I had a bad mental breakdown, wanted to kill myself because all of my hidden emotions caught up with me.. I could only run from a past that still haunted me for so long .
Today, I am proud to have taken the step to publicly talk about all of my pain, memories and issues I am still faced with today . I have found comfort and healing in sharing and helping other victims; no longer hiding behind my façade, and it has helped me to  do something I was never able to do before.. LOVE MY SELF..EVERY SCAR I HAVE, EVERY TEAR I HAVE CRIED, EVERY NIGHTMARE I STILL HAVE— I now can say I LOVE MY SELF, and am still on my Healing journey . I 100% Support and Love the MAYIMBA Project. You have helped me so much also in my healing Journey. May you continue to help others around the world.
 
Love always,
Julie Rivas –Founder and CEO of Sans Douler International Advocacy Group.

Max, 19

 
 
So where do I start  my story's are long but  I will make them short , well my name is max I'm 19 & this is my story .
well I could start when I was about 7 or 8 when I was made to have sexual acts with a man and I'm sure as hell lost my virginity to  and how I'm to scared till this day to even tell my family so I hide that one thing from them knowing its wrong but it was so long ago and i didn't need my mom or dad worrying or judging me because of it. I trust the man that took my Pureness from me but I don't hate him because it its another reason why i am like i am today , the next stage in my life was when i started to cut my self i was 11 didn't stop in till i was 13 maybe 15 around there ,   i  started to cut my self to stop the pain i was having , with my family , confused in life and what i was .around this time  i was in a relationship with a woman that i loved so much but she was a lot  but i never gave up i was young and people didn't understand me i was what u called ''black sheep of the family '' and few months after being with her for a year and half ,  i lost her  my first love to suicide . Yes she did shit that was wrong to me  she had her days of verbal abuse mental abuse  but she also love and all i wanted was that  i was young and didn't want to believe the shit she put me though  then  i was in the denial  and she was depressed and when you're my age you're learning and trying to understand this so called world . and u when u just lost  your first love and u where the last person to speak to her and hear her voice last that would kick u down very far in life and that's just one reason i started to cut my self but i never omitted to it when i was ask i just said my dog did it or I don't know what happened , another reason i cut my self is because i was bulled at school i was very insecure about my weight and how i was  but ever day i faked it acting like it was ok  but deep down it wasn't and never was in till i hit about 14 to 15  i realized it was ok to be gay it was ok to be different  and no matter what hell i been though or what i had to fight to keep going i honestly think i now have only 3 reason on why i'm here to day  . & that is my fiancé for loving me and showing me that my life will get better all i need was hope , next reason is my family for excepting me for never giving.up  even though we have had a hard life they still turned around to say they love me and they proud and the last reason is to help people give them a reasons to keep going show then they are not alone . I have many more story and much more to say but what i told u are key points in to why i am and who i am today and no one will take that from me and haven't since i was 16 , this is my life and i am not a victim and i believe i went though the shit i did to tell my story to let people know u can survive  u just have to try and keep fight never giving up and keep pushing ahead because we all have a reason to keep going and keep fight what's yours ?
 
sincerely, MAX

Brunie, 25, FL

 
First and foremost thank you for raising awareness and allowing people to speak their mind and share their stories...From the ages of 3-7 I was living with my grandmother so it was time I go back to live with my mother. My mother had a boyfriend which looked scary and from the ages of 7-9 I was molested and he would bring me to the bed with him and touch me under the covers. He would whisper to me and tell me not to say anything because I would never see him or my family again if I did say anything. He would make sure to lock my brother up in the basement as "punishment" so he could do what he wanted to do with me. At that time my younger sister was not born. My mom then had my little sister which is her father. I never said a word to anyone. I didn't have much of a relationship with my father but he passed away when I was 12 so my loyalty just wanted my sister to have a father because I didn't want her to feel that void of not having her father around. My mother then left him and I still didn't say a word. In 2006 my senior of High School her father passed away she is 12 years younger then I am so I knew how she felt but little did she know that I felt a sense of relief when he passed because I still hadn't told my mother or anyone what had happened to me those years of my life. Right after he passed of a heart attack I decided to tell my mom what happened I didn't really feel that much support from her but she "tried." My sister until this day doesn't know anything because I didn't want to tarnish her image of her father. As ungrateful as she can be to me and all that I do for her I always have that in the back of my mind I stayed shut so she can have a father in her life. In 2009 I decided to forgive because I felt very angry and he was no longer alive so what was the sense of hating someone that was no longer alive and it was setting me back in life. I have since moved on with my life and now I try to empower and educate both women and girls on this topic. I don't want to instill fear in anyone but we need to be cautious with our children. Again thank you for the opportunity.
 
Bmarie Sanchez

Maryan share's her son's story (Isacc, 13)

 
As a mother that was sexual abuse. You never want to see your child go through the same. This isn't easy for me but its the same 1st step. As a single mother working day by day to give my boys a better life. I had no choice but to leave my boys with their fathers family. I can remember that day like it was yesterday. Receive a call that there was a problem at the house with one of my boys. When I got home my oldest son was yelling and wouldn't let no one near his brothers.  My oldest was only 6. Then I took him to the room and he open up. He start to cry. Telling me his cousin had be touching his brother and taken him do things that were not right.  As my son was telling me that I start to cry and lived the fear that happen to me when I was young. My son try telling his father but his father didn't believe him.  The abuses had went on for about 2 months before my oldest son couldn't take it.That same day I took my boys and moved out. I wasn't easy for us. Im very bless that my son at only age 6 at that time. Spoke up and didn't keep quite. Its been almost 9 years since that happen. My boys are now 14 & 13. They are great kids that take care my yougest son that 10. We are very over protected of our family. We want our story to help other. We support the Mayimba Project.♥♥

Ashley, 15

 
Hello, my name is Ashley! I was very close with my brother when I was little and I trusted him. One day we were playing a video game together, I was 5 and he was 10. I asked him why the monkey in the game was clapping his hands together on the mountain and he told me the monkey was having sex. I didn't know what sex was so I asked him and he told me that he would show me. He put his hands down my pants and then said that everyone does it so I shouldn't be afraid. After that my brother started touching me every single day and I had to touch him back. It seemed normal to me because my brother got a hold of one of my dad's porn videos and made me watch it with him. After 1 month my brother started making me give him hand jobs and blowjobs. I cried and said no each time but he forced me to and wouldn't let me walk away until he could see "white stuff", he called it. Afterwards he would take my pants and underwear off and then his. He would pretend to have sex with me but he never raped me. Some days I had to sleep naked with him and my parents never saw because we shared a room so they never asked. One day I told my dad that I gave my brother made me put his private area in my mouth, my dad though yelled at me and said, "Don't you tell your mother or she will throw you against the wall." so I never told her. I was molested and forced to give him "pleasure" everyday and by age 11 things started to get worse. He would put his mouth on my private area and then he would insert his fingers in me. I remember my dad walking past my room and saw but he just continued to walk by. I would like to think that he didn't hear or see anything, because a dad is suppose to help not let it continue. When I was in my dad's room, my brother came in and told me to be quiet and started putting his mouth and fingers down there again and I told him to stop. I wanted to scream to my mom who was home but then I kept remembering what my dad told me when I was 5. Also a little part in me said, "This is completely normal, he said everyone does it." By the time I reached 12 I would hear girls saying that they couldn't wait to have their boyfriends touch them and feel them and then for them to feel them back. I realized that my brother already did this to me and when I was watching Dr. Phil one day I saw that a girl was molested my her brother. I knew then that it was all a lie and what my bother was doing. So one night I was under my bed trying to reach my book that dropped under my bed. My brother came out of nowhere and pulled my off, I could painfully feel my brother putting his finger inside me and then saying, "your wet" even when I knew I wasn't. He was saying how good I looked and I was so scared that finally I decided enough was enough and kicked him hard, threw my shoe at him, and yelled at him to get out. That was the last time he ever touched me. I never told anyone till this year (I am 15) what he did, until one day I tried suicide and told my bff what happened. My bff told her friend whose mom was a social worker. Her mom then called the cops on my brother. I was questioned by a group of detectives who then questioned my brother and he said yes, he did do it to me. My mom though hugged and kissed my brother but told me I was a whore and that in now way would she ever love me. My dad said I was just begging for attention and shunned me for about 3 days. When DYFS came I heard the guy tell my parents that girls talk a lot and they all laughed. This hurt me a lot and I knew that I would not be able to get away from my parents or brother. It has been 3 months since they found out and my mom hates me yet my dad just still stands by. My brother is not in jail because the detectives said it was not a big deal since it happened 2 years ago. I am staying strong though and eventually I want to write a book on what happened. If I ever die on accident, I don't want my parents to say that I was mental, I want people to know my story so I can help others to see  that they are no longer alone like I felt. I tried suicide 16 times but won't no more because I have many reasons to live. I have awesome friends who know about what happened now and they support me. One day I even hope to work at Walt Disney Animation Studios or Disney Pixar.

Jordan

Hi my name is Jordan! The first person I ever opened up to was my boyfriend who is my husband now & the father of my child. I felt so comfortable around him & needed to get it off my chest, he was the one person who I trusted with my life. I was sexually molested by my own uncle.. Someone who I looked up to. Someone who I thought would never hurt me. I was about 9 or 10- I can't really remember bc it was so long ago & I kept telling myself it was just a dream. I wanted it out of my memory. I use to live with my Mawmaw, pawpaw, mom, dad, baby sister, & my uncle. My mom, dad, & sister shared a room & I always slept with my uncle. Sometimes he would sleep naked, bc he said he got so hot. Well one night I was asleep and accidentally touched his penis. He decided to wake me up and told me what I was doing and I said oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to you know, I was asleep. Well, that didn't matter to him. He said since I touched him he had to touch me.. I cried and said no please and he said if not I will tell your mom what you did. I was young I didn't want to get in trouble.. I didn't know what to do. So I let him. I hate myself for it. He touched me where a man should never touch a little girl. After if happened I pretty much brushed it off and forgot about it. I told myself it was a dream. Sometimes he would make me look at porn magazines & he even made me touch his balls. After I told devin (husband) he convinced me to tell my parents. After I did my dad confronted my uncle (his brother) and he denied it. After that they all got together with my aunt (dads sister) and they all would hang out and act like nothing happened. I felt like nobody loved me, nobody cared what he did to me, my own mother would go to my aunts house when he was there and it hurt my heart so bad. We have gotten into it before over it but we have finally gotten along and she understood where I came from. But feeling alone, with your family not caring I was hurt. I haven't talked to my uncle since then. It's been about 2 years. I want nothing to do with him. After I got married he messaged me on fb telling me congrats and that he loves and misses me. I hate who he is and I hate what he did. There's me story! Glad I could help other people as well (:

Aussy, 21, NY

 
Ever since I was 7 years old my Mon knew this family (the Hamilton family) one of the women from that family worked with my mom and so they became friends. Through her my mom started going to church and meeting the ret of the family. My mom started letting me be babysat by her friend's mother. Her mother was a beautiful old lady, but she was very old.
My mother met one of her friend's brothers and started dating him. She decided he was the one he was going to stay with so he moved in with us. A couple of months later she became pregnant when I was 9 years old and I was extremely happy because I was an only child.
From the age of 7 while I was being babysat I was also being molested by my "step-father" and two of his brothers while being mentally abused by his sisters. On top of that every summer my mom would send me to the Dominican Republic and there I would get molested by my cousins (two of them) and was beaten by one of them and an uncle all from ny mom's side if the family.
Being touched and beaten was all I knew from the age of 5. Until I turned 10...
When my sister was born I was so happy!! She is still the best thing that has ever happened to me. I also thought that people would leave me alone when my sister came along... that didn't work out that way. The abuse continued until my mom almost caught my step-father while she wa in the house. I was so scares I went to the bathroom and took a shower and cried and prayed that my mom wouldn't have caught us because I didn't want her to break up with him and be sad. I also asked God to forgive me I don't know how many times while under  the shower. My mom noticed to she took back into the bathroom and asked me what was wrong. She pulled the information out of me when it came to my stepfather touching me. A few days later we left to DR to het away from him. She didn't know that the abuse would continue even in a different country. I became scared of anything an everyone, But decided to just keep going in life and put it behind me.
We kept participating in church no matter what. One day I heard my sister's father would come to DR to see my sister and mother (my heart sank). One morning I went into my mom's house and there she was with no underwear and him in bed. U figured that she loved him too much to let him go.... plus my sister needed to know she had a dad so I let it go. I grew up and my sister made me soooo happy that I didn't have time to thing about abuse. I thank God to this day that my sister came into the picture, And also thank him for being so good to me in giving me strength to move on. I am a firm believer in Jesus Christ no matter what because even though all that stuff happened to me he helped me move on. As a teen I was a very confused girl, but I always knew I liked girls. I had so many flings its hard to count. Me and my mom moved so much in those years I went to 4 different high schools. Al throughout my teen years I struggled with liking women and my mom was ALWAYS against it. She once told me that if I decided to be with women she would disown me and wouldn't let me see my sister ever again, so I've had to hide who I love in order to keep a relationship with the best gift God has given me.... my baby sister. Now that I'm 21 I met the love of my life and decided it was time for me to let go of my mom's chains. I got a job, started school, and began having a social life (something mom does not approve of). My mom didn't even kick me out because of my girlfriend because she doesn't even know, even though I'm not really hiding it that much. Before I left I made sure to tell her every man and woman who ever put their hands on me to beat me or molest me.
People who she chose to defend instead of saying something about it.
I have decided to cure my heart of all that pain and move on. I've decided NOT to be a victim.

Angelica, 24

 
Hi Im a 24 year woman with two little boys. I am also a survivor from childhood up to this point. I was molested and raped up from 4-13 always afraid to speak up. I was so depressed and felt alone, I started to cut. My mom with her own addiction and not being able to understand me just sent me away when she couldn't deal so she just sent me away. I finally told when i was 16, the tension was so thick at 17 i was on my own. I met my babies father and by 19 i had two little boys, was homeless and had finally escaped the worst 3 years of my life. I am also a domestic violence survivor. Between emotional and physical abuse I did not have a voice, I was stuck between a rock in a hard place. Between wanting to keep my family together and realizing I could learn to be a single mom with two kids, homeless and starting over. I finally got away and I've found who I am. I will no longer be a victim. I am stronger than I ever realized. Sometimes you have to walk away from right or wrong, It's okay to finally not care what others think. IT'S YOUR LIFE! I've made mistakes, i've done it more than once but i no longer play victim, i know now when to walk away and how to speak up. I SUPPORT THE MAYIMBA PROJECT! THEY HAVE FINALLY GIVEN ME A REASON TO SHARE MY STORY AND HAVE A VOICE. THANK YOU

Jessie

 
Her Daughter <3
 
 
 
 
I dnt even knw where to start... Sigh** okay..im doing this.for.myself.obviously but bcuse.i see soooo many people coming out n doing it..n how much its impacting people n how.its really saving lifes its letting people knw u r really not alone!! Ive been telling myself for a while now im gnna speak up but i dnt i knw doing so.will make me feel alot better inside n at piece with myself...i been scared for many yrs.for all the wrong reasons...n god.put this wonderful person in my life that even though i hvnt met in person shes already changed my.life, @mayimbaproject ...people dnt knw this about me ive suffered from depression ive had the suicidal toughts ive kept a.secret for so.long n everyday it eats me up inside...im not.gnna go.into detail this is already hard enough...but this is my story when i was around 7 or 8 i was molested by 2different family memebers without them knowing of each other it happend for a while if it wasnt one it was the other one...n i was sooooo scared to say nething it stopped eventually...this where people my parents knew n loved n trusted...idk till this day idk why me?? Why would somebody wanna hurt somebody so.innocent? They would tell me it was ok i knew it wasnt but i was scared n i didnt knw.how to.stop it, i didnt tell.my.mom until i was 16 but by then it was tooo late, at least thats what i tought she didnt do anything, instead she said dnt say nething..i guess she feared what i feared the whole fam would get all fuckd up over it...but at this point i dnt gve a fuck!! Im not willing to gve out names but at least now they knw i said something...its hard its very hard it messes u up in the head specially when u dnt talk to someone about it, it affects my life sometimes, my relationships..ive never told people like this only very few people.knw.n when i met marial i promised her i was gnna try n speak.up well this.is progress for.me:) progress is progress right? At 16 i met my bby ddy who.i was with for 7yrs on n off n he put me through hell n bck...he abused me.physically mentally emotionally, until i left him..i mean he would spit at me throw anything at me...just allll bad n its like coming from a fuckd up child hood to falling madly in love with someone that hurt me too...my only toughts where why the fuck r u still even.here?? My daughter? My biggest blessing n gods.way of letting me.knw.i.should still b here...why? Bcuse.my daughter needs.her.mother.n.she needs.me here to protect her from son of bitches like the ones that hurt me...im not always gnna b there but as long as im alive i will make sure my daughter is never a victum!! I support the.mayimba project 100% i want people to knw they r not alone shit like this happens, it could happen to any body it could happen to ur child but if we speak up together can save a life or amillion...people need to.stop being scared n SPEAK UP!!

Eve

Hi Luv,

so I wasn't too sure how to start but I figured I would share my coming out story. At the time that I wanted to come out I wanted to do it right (right for me). I was 20 yrs old and in a serious relationship, and I always told my girlfriend (at the time) that if I had a ring or anything that raised questions I would just come out. I've always been private about my relationships but I would never deny them.  When the time came, my girlfriend bought me a ring with our initials on it. My plan was to take my mother to dinner and talk to her about it. I remember telling my mother over the phone that I wanted to take her to dinner to talk, she was angry and questioning it. I was honestly caught off guard by her anger towards my invitation but then again looking at it now. I see she knew all along that I was a lesbian, she was just trying to avoid the whole conversation. When the day came to take her to dinner, I was at work. I worked at a Bally Total Fitness and my mother was working out. That day I was working in the Day Care center, I will never forget the look on my mothers face when she marched into the room. She was so angry and she kept asking me what it was, I needed to talk about. At some point she began yelling at me and I was just shocked. She yelled at me saying; what is it? Why dinner?? What is it?? Your gay??? You think that's nice?? I was so upset that she would take that moment away from me. All I can say is YES IM LESBIAN... As soon as I said it she stormed out, I remember crying watching her leave. But I couldn't go after her since I was at work. The following days living with my mother was hard, she would tell me I was disgusting everyday. She even told me that she rather I was on drugs or pregnant then be a lesbian. I was crying everyday, I ended up staying at my girlfriends place for a week just to avoid my mother. At the time I worked full time and I was in college as a full time student so I didn't want to lose my focus. After being gone for a week I went home, my mother was waiting for me in the living room sitting in the couch. She told me we needed to talk. I remember seeing my older brother with his son in the bedroom. I just sat down and listened to her, she was angry and told me I can't keep disrespecting her. That if I live there I am to go to work and go to school and go straight home. That to be her daughter I can not be a lesbian and if I couldn't go by her rules. She would change the locks, I will have to leave and I will no longer be her daughter. So as defeated as I felt I told her I was saving money and that I plan to move out the following weeks. The next thing I know she was yelling and I saw her getting up to leave. Instead she got up and attacked me with a knife, all I can remember was my arms and my face burning. I was kicking her off me and screaming. Some how my older brother came out, and I felt like was going to be saved but instead he held my arms down while my mother attacked me. It was the biggest betrayal I ever faced and when it was all done, I called my girlfriend and cried. I couldn't even talk I was in shock. My arms were cut up and everything burned. I left with the clothes on my back and I just threw a hoodie on to hide my arms. My girlfriend who lived in Bklyn paid a Cab to pick me up from the Bronx. I met up with her an hr later and I was still in shock. She looked so angry and heart broken. It took hrs for her to convince me to let her see what my mother had done. I cried taking off my hoodie, the cuts in my arms stuck to my hoodie b/c of the blood. My girlfriend and her mother took care of me. A few days later I was able to get the rest of my clothes, I moved in with my girlfriend. I lived with her for 2 yrs and for those 2 yrs, I didn't speak to my mother. Fast forward to today my mother and I had many conversations and not all have gone my way. We've both made a lot if efforts to repair our Mother/Daughter Relationship. I know today she is proud to have a lesbian daughter, and she's not afraid to tell me or anyone. I've come a long way in life and I know my past has made me the strong woman that I am today. I live my life on the open and I have so many things to be grateful for.

I hope this helps give you a little insight on my life... ✌️

Thank you,
E.V.

Maryan Araica

Hi
My name is Maryan Araica but all my friends call me Mimi.
I follow you on instagram and on YouTube. Not sure where to start. I was sexually abuse for 3 years starting when I was 10. By my dad's best friend. We were living with him and his wife for 3 1/2 years. Since I was the oldest of 3 girls. He would tell me if I didnt let him he would do it to my sisters. I never told my mom or dad. Since we were going throw very hard times. After we left that house my mom came to find out I was a lesbian so she sent me back to my country Nicaragua. Where I was force to get married at the age of 15 with someone I didnt even know. He knew I was gay and would rape me and force me to do things. Out of That Hell I lived came out 3 beautiful boys. My reason today. Finally I got the power to leave him 6 years of abuse. I was 4 month with my yougest son. After that I was alone for 6 years working and foucing on my boys. When I saw the most beautiful women. Valeska was everything I was looking for. We started off as friends and everything just felt perfect. We pack our 4 boys up and came to the USA . Looking for a better life for our  family. We have been here for almost a year. You and my partner are the only one that knew about my story. I wanted to share this with you. I also want to help.. Im proud to be a lesbian and that we are raising our boys with love and not hate.
Hope this can help someone knew that its Not there fault and they arent alone.
Thanks and blessings to your beautiful family.
 

Katie

My name is Katie and I was sexually abused by my mom's ex husband. They got married when I was 7 and when I was growing up my biological dad was never around so to me HE was my dad. I became a daddy's girl real fast; I went everywhere I could wit him, he was like my best friend. In the middle of my 8th grade year things started to change ... He started sleeping in my bed with me every night. At first I didn't think anything of it but then he started touching me over my clothes then after that he went under my clothes and every time I would tell him to stop he would get mad at me this went on for months. One time I told my mo that I didn't want my dad to sleep in my room,she told me to tell him that and I told her that he doesn't listen and she didn't say anything.  He would come in the bathroom and act like he was throwing something away because he could see me through the glass, he would lie to me about my mom to get me to hate her and at one point it did and he promised that he was going t move and and take me with him. He became extremely controlling over me and I would get in trouble for everything  I did. One time after he dropped me off at school he kissed me on my mouth like you would to someone you were in a relationship with. Another time he took me somewhere and told me that he wasn't my biological dad and that he didn't love me like a daughter, he was in-love with me. I didn't say anything everything was just awkward and quiet until we got home. After that night tings got worse, he became more obsessive and contorting. A few weeks after that night he showed up at my school looking at me and everyone was coming up tome saying "Katie, your dads here, your dads here". I don't but i got really scared and everyone kept asking whats wrong I didn't tell anyone then I finally told someone that worked at my school and knew my mom. He made me tell the police at school and they took me and my sister down town. They called my mom she came and they told her what was going on, he went to jail and they got divorced.After all that I stared drinking everyday and I'm still in the 8th grade. I let guys take advantage of me and became know as the school's whore. Over the years I got worse, I did real heavy drugs, stopped caring about everything and tried to kill myself a few times. Last year my om fond out she was pregnant and I changed my whole life around. Now I'm a senior in high school and I'm trying so hard to get my life back. Everythings a struggle but when I look at my baby sister I remind myself I'm doing it for her.

Elsie

First off thank you so much for being a beautiful inspiration. Regardless of the negativity that tries to break you down , you always manage to stay grinding on your two feet. I have been following you on youtube and instagram for a bit now and i am so happy that you are one of the few people i look up too. Learning about your project about victims was so touching because i too , was molested when i was a little girl. Reading about other young victims made me have the courage and write to you today.
When I was 8 years old my grandmother's brother molested and harassed me . He would sit me on his laps and he would say that i need to show my "uncle" some "love" and he would sit me on his lap and grope my thighs and massage my private area. The first time it happened i was in complete shock, i didn't know what he was he doing i was still an innocent little girl. This would happen when my grandmother would take me to his grocery store(he owned it) , she would leave me in the front and just wonder off. The second time it happened he sat me on his lap but this time he tried to kiss me. When he tried to kiss me i then knew being 8 years old that what he was doing was completely WRONG. My own biological father never kissed me on the mouth nor my 2 brothers so why should he be allowed? After that incident happened i was terrified of him. I HATED him. As i grew older this heavy weight just laid on my shoulders and me not knowing what to do or what to say so i bit my tongue till i was about 16. That;s when i told my mother and grandmother what happened to me as a little girl , and i came out as a lesbian. Of course like any old-fashioned Dominican mom she yelled at me and said i was crazy and a big fat liar. After what my om told me i just trust anyone. I confided in her to HELP me overcome this hardship and it was such a fail. Now at the age of 18 i decided that it was the right time to take matters into my own two hands, go to the court and report this guy. If none of this "family uncles" victims couldn't speak up , well i did. My life has done a 360 but for the better because i feel like i am no longer a victim but a STRONG SURVIVOR who lives to tell her story. 

PG

Short story: when I was 15years old my English teacher had a thing for me.. I didn't tell anyone bcuz I thought it was nothing. It went on for months. One day he grabbed me and started touching my body .. I got scared. I told the principal. Police were called. He was arrested and charged and lost his teacher certificate .. Shortly after I dropped out of school bcuz of the stares the rude comment from other male teachers , people who didn't believe me. I support the cause :)

25

I was sexually abused when I was a little girl. My age at the time? I cannot even begin to tell you. I have pushed and shoved the memory into the very dark corners of my mind. He was a family friend and since he was trusted he would take me and tell me we were going for toys or donuts and I young and very naive followed. He'd bring me to his house and at the time he lived in the basement. There he would close the door behind him and say "now you know this our little secret and nobody should know what happens. This is all because I love you." He would do this to me twice a week. I let it happen for a little over year; before I acquired the courage to tell my mom. I am 25 and haven't seen him since the last time I allowed him to do "love able things to me."

Mya

Hey. Mayimba. I'm Mya I'm very supportive to your project. & i would love to be apart of it. my story is very awful.but here it is
So i was about the age of 5 or6 When My mom's husband son from a previous marriage was staying with my mom and i & my lil sister... So one day i was in my room being a lil kid playing with barbies etc. & he kept asking me could he have sex with me. & i kept saying no cause it wasn't right and he got very upset. so mind you he raped me like 6 times. but the time my mom came in my room she saw me in the corner crying and pulling up my clothes.& she yelled & started asking what happened & etc. So she went & told her husband and he beat his son so bad he had to go to the hospital. then he beat so bad DSS had to come to my home because when i went to school i couldn't sit down because he beat me so bad to where my back was bleeding i had bruises all over my body.Then he said to me if he goes to jail he will beat me worst then he already did.. so after i turned 6 my mom's husband and his brothers at night time got a rope and tied it around my neck and had me at the back of the truck dragging me down the highway late at night, because he said he will let his son do whatever he pleased because he didn't care about me. SO they day after this happened.i was asleep on the couch in my living room and his son got on top of me & stuck his penis in me & i woke up immediately because it hurt & made me sick & he wouldn't get off of me & he was laughing and saying what his dad had said to me the night before.. But the story never got out until a few years ago when he denied doing it. But long story short. I grew up not knowing My REAL MOTHER & FATHER.But i have grown so much from this.You have helped me realize that it wasn't my fault. & i thank you for that.I am a better woman because of you. P.S. I LOVE YOUR CHANNEL & YOU & YOUR WIFE ARE SUCH AN INSPIRATION TO ME... LOVE A'ZALEA.(THE NAME I WAS BORN WITH .I'M DOMINICAN LIKE YOU)..BECAUSE OF YOU I CAN SMILE.& WALK WITH MY HEAD HELD HIGH WITH PRIDE.

Nanii

Dear Marial,
Hi My Name Is Nanii.Today I told you that you changed my life and I'm prepared to open up and explain how.When I was 3, I was sexually molested fore about 2 years of my life. My Mom's fiancé had always been like a father to me since my dad left back to D.R when I was 2. I never told anybody because if figured everybody would blame me for letting it happened. My Mom wound up dumping him a around two months after my 5th birthday. I became a really good liar then, hiding it from everyone since I was always mature for my age. I always connected with adults,because my vanacular was extensive for my age. Everybody said I was an " Old Soul,in A Baby Body". So when I was in second grade, one of the boys from my class put his fingers inside me I didn't know what to do, so I shut up and let it happened. All I could do was turn extremely quite. This however, didn't even flash as a hazard sign, even though I was a talkative child. My mom blamed it on me getting bullied, since I was always Fat. I would just eat and eat since I had nothing else to do. I had no friends and no way to even spend my day. All I ever had was books and music. So I started singing. I would get made fun of, but I was always told my voice was nice. The only person who didn't think it was nice was my Mom. She hated my voice , and would constantly seize my singing. I would cry and write all night without anyone knowing. When I was in 4th grade, my mom switch my private school and put me in a school where it was mostly Hispanic . Me, not having my dad in my life, never really had a Spanish upbringing. My mom is Jamaican and Hawaiian so I was more Caribbean then anything. I would get teased, because I would claim I'm Dominican but COULD NOT SPEAK SPANISH. Then on top of that I was the biggest in my class. My weight seemed to haunt my every move. That's when I started cutting. Since we wore uniform, nobody every noticed. My arms had over 50 cuts a piece. Then when I join pied cheerleading it died down . I got to know everyone and met my three best friends.
They never about any of my cuts or depression, they just knew me as a happy person. When I turned 11 I met this guy. His name was Jaime and he was 16. He called me beautiful and told me I was more precious than gold. He was my first boyfriend. All my friends knew about him , but none of my family. They would have made us break up, and I loved him.... He started beating me , calling me names, even making me have sex with his friends. Trying to break me down to a wifey that I no longer had a desire to be... He died when I was 13. When I started high school, My mom, new step dad, my little brother and I moved upstate . That is when the bullying took a turn for the worst. I got jumped everyday , spit on , beat up by guys, teased and even judged for having my first girlfriend, Carly. She was my rock, but then she cheated on me with my cousin and got pregnant. I went my whole freshman year with anyone knowing. The only people who knew where my 3 VERY BEST FRIENDS(Courtney,Kimberly, and Maria) . I told them everything. We all had some type of damage to use from childhood till now. We bonded over our pain. They eventually convinced me to tell my mom and she removed me from the school that summer. I Moved Back To the Bronx with my Abuela . I head lives With her for most of MY Life. She had raised me along with most of my cousins. The summer of 2011 I feel in love with Kimberly, my best friend. We had a very dysfunctional relationship. We argued everyday. She was my reason for comming out to my family. When I did I was shunned by most, since being A Lesbian is against Jamaican Culture. My mom and I grew more apart , forcing into the arms of my aunt from my father side. I was finally learning my Dominican Roots. Making Mangu, dancing Bachata and Singing along to every Song in Spanish. Since Kim was Dominican also, we fell more in love .She became my everything. That fall , I started school in the Bronx . Celia Cruz Bronx High School of Music. I went to that school mainly because the only friends I ever had was in that school together. The bad part about it was , Kim was still in the closet and I wasn't . So our relationship turned to mush and ended January 30,2012. Then she broke off from the best friends and dated someone else. That relationship almost ended me. I was cuttIng so much , some days I stayed home just to heal , because I was to lightheaded to leave my house. I was always covering my arms. I gained so much weight that I was 300 by September 21,2012. This was then start of my junior year. I was arrested for aggravated harassment , but not sentenced to jail for being to young. I had made death threats to Kim and her girl. The finally got safety transfers to another school and I started to suffer from depression from her leaving. That's when I discovered you video about you and you wife. You guys showed me how real love could be found in the midst of a bad life. Through the horror , your videos made me smile, and move past my ex. I am no longer cutting, I'm happy and I'm down to about 245. I may not be perfect, but you guys showed me nobody is perfect. From you guys I learned love can come from anyone and anything . I learned not to harbor hatred and move on from my pain. I watch you guys, and I feel hope. I feel like one day , that's gonna be me with my wife. Especially when you guys dance . I feel like I'm back in my aunts arms dancing around her kitchen. She passed away two months ago from Cancer. She Too was a lesbian. Your three have really taught me how to Love. I am now reaching out to my dad. In D.R and I'm Building a relationship with my mother . I am happier then I ever been and am currently talking to a girl Who actually likes me for all the RIGHT reasons . I just wanted to thank you and tell you that you do change lives Marial. I feel like I've know you for a long , yet I've never met you. You and Your wife deserve a medal . And your project is really wonderful and I would love to help. I'm Now a Senior, and Going into my senior year with noting but good Thoughts. I hope to meet you on day when you come to NY if possible just to give you a hug for your help. Well I don't want to make you bored with my long life story. But I just wanted to express to you how you have at least touched on heart.


-Love
Naje Alese Alize Arilenny Lopez -Galloway :D

Acacia, 15

Well I support the Mayimba Project 100%. My name is Acacia i'm 15 and here's my story ive never been molested,sexual abuse, but I have been physical abused but mainly the year of 2012 during the summer I was serverly beat, and that's when i started cutting which i don't anymore, but for years I was abused and it finally kinda stop. The person who use to abuse me was mom and she still does from time to time. But I confronted her about it and that's when it stopped for now. I have friends that that been sexually abuse/molested and that have tryed to comment suicide and I have had friends that did. But this is to all the people that have been molested/sexual abuse/ that have comptemed Sucide your not the only ones out there if you speak up you have other people out here wanting to listen. To Mayimba(Marial) your an inspiration and you have helped me slowly coming out about this. I thank you for all you do. God bless you with your wife and adorable children..

Thomas Walter

I too was molested as a child at age 1 up until age 5 so I support any cause for any sexual abuse victims my mother was as well god bless her miss you rest in peace.

Bernice

Hey!! My name is Berenice
The first time i heard about you i was on youtube looking up the song "ella y yo" by don omar.. i was just scrolling down untill i saw ur video with your wife(it is so cute btw), i went to your chanel nd i started to watch your videos, i just love the way you're life is, and i want mine to be like yours...
About three years ago mi tio who i loved so much, came to visit us, he is my dads brother. One day when my parents were working me and my brothere stayed home, then my brother left because he wanted to go play with his friend.. my tio started to kiss me nd touch me.. and then he wanted to have sex with me.. i told him i had to go to the bathroom nd so i did.. i locked myself im my room untill my parents came home.. i told my parents what happened and my dad who was really mad, he went to talk to my uncle and then the next day mi tio left.. i am 17 years old now, i dont know if i am a victim or what, but i do support the MayimbaProject all the way!! Thank you and your wife for giving me a reason to believe that life does get better.

Jade, 24

 
Hi my name is Jade, I am 24 years old.. At the age of 11 I was touched inappropriately and then again at 16 by my best friends father at the time.  I didn't tell any one for the longest  for the fear of loosing her as my friend and because I felt disgusting inside like something was wrong with me for this man to do this to me and still to this day my friend still does not know. When I told my mom she did not believe me, and this cut me to the core knowing that thats your mother she suppose to have your back and protect you. I began to go into a very deep depression with that on my mind and other family issues at the time, and contimplated suicide and self mutilation just deal with the pain. Untill I grew up and just became numb to the pain and the situation. So ever since the day I told her and she didn't believe me I chose to keep this secret with me and never share it again. Since I started watching your channel and following you, you've opened my heart. I was hesitating doing this as I did not want to relive this nightmare again but It feels good in knowing I'm not alone. I thank you and support you to the fullest in what you are doing for all of us everyday. I still deal with this from time to time but I'm learning to let go with each passing day and with an inspiration like Mayimba and everyone on here on my side I no I will be just fine. Thanks again for letting me share and bringing me closure to my life!

Vania

 
I find your project very moving and positive. Its nice to be able to reach out to people and connect with others who have experienced some of the same situations as yourself ,but also have overcome them and not let them take over their lives. Here's my story... My name is Vania I am 22 years old. At the age of 4 I was molested by my mothers boyfriend friend. He would just touch me inappropriately and dry hump me. Then at the age of 7 My mothers boyfriend began to molest me but it went to another level. He would walk in the room naked and touch me in places he shouldn't.  What's sickening is that I called him my father because at that time he was the closest thing to a father figure I had. That went on for awhile. Then my mother broke up with him and she met another guy who I liked at first until she married him. After that he would be very hard on me tell me I was fat and that I couldn't be a dancer like I wanted to be at that time. When I was 11 he molested me as well. He took advantage of my body and I had just been so used to men doing this to me that I just laid there and let him do as he pleased. By age 13 I had no sense of self worth and what that even meant. I had no respect for myself. I didn't know how I should be treated. I met a guy who was 18 years of age and he took advantage of my youth. He forced me to have sex with him and at the time again I was used to being controlled. So I just laid there. Unfortunately, that resulted in a pregnancy. I lied to my mother and told her that we just had sex but I wasn't ready for a baby so I aborted the child. Ever since that day I felt something missing from my life. That child I could not get back. Finally two years after that I got a chance to start over become a different person. My mother and I moved to South Carolina because she met my current step father on an online dating site. I started my sophomore year in South Carolina and I was new to the gay scene. Everyone was so open about it that I began to get curious. My first friend happen to be a female that I was very much so attracted to. We immediately became a couple. My first girlfriend. We dated for 8 months but then something in me just didn't feel right about her. She was very controlling and didn't let me interact with other people. I got tired of the relationship that I decided to break free from her hoping that we could still be friends after that. Unfortunately May 8, 2007 she shot me three times to the head. If she couldn't have me then no one could. My life has been a complete roller coaster. That just put the icing on it. Like a lot of people I could have let these tragedies hold me back from living but I decided not to. I feel my purpose in life is to help others. I have always felt a calling to do that. I am currently in my last year of college My major is Psychology. After I graduate I plan on furthering my education and getting my masters in Social Work. I hope my story helps people relate to. At the end of the day everything in life is a lesson no matter how bad the experience is. I've grown into a strong individual woman and I am happy to say my past does not control my present life and It motivates my future self.........  My mother didn't know about any of the sexual abuses until I told her at the age of 16. I just kept it to myself. She was hurt that I didn't tell her and tried to blame herself for not being there. But she was a hard working woman who I know loves me unconditionally so I didn't nor do I blame her for these things happening. Thanks for letting me share. Love your channel and especially this project!

Jessie

 
 
 
Hello my name is jessie and i support the Mayimba project :). I support it fully because myself has also been a victim of sexual abuse im 19 now but when i was 13 i was sexually abused by my aunts husband it was on eadter day and it was the worst day of my life i felt alone and helpless i was terrified that nobody would belive me i cryed myself to sleep and wouldnt eat till i didnt knw wat to do i told my mom and she belived me but the fucked up part aboutit is they told me to not say anything to anyone ;( tgat broke my heart me thinking that my own mother would protect me and help me she was the least i expected to do that she told me if i told anyone i would brake the family apart and it would be my fault but to me i thought the family is already broken because nobody comes around because he did it to my sister and one of my aunts to ;( im stuck in a world were being hurt is all i knw its been 6 years since it happen but i can never let it go it just gets harder i hate guys i been lesbian even before it happen and thats wat made me his target i support ths project to the fullest u have been my inspiration and make hard times a lil better thank u so much u can share my story :)

Little Maries Journal by Serena Ortiz

Meet Serena Ortiz...one of the bravest survivors I have came across. This is her journal entry, from her past, and she wants you to know that she has made it. I am sharing this with you, so that when you think about how bad your life is, other's have had it worst.
 
 
Little Maries journal by Serena Ortiz
contact: raeortiz1990@yahoo.com

 No food no water its pitch black where am I why can’t I feel a thing why it so scary in this place we call home. Several days left alone with my 2 brothers I sit in a home of destruction failure waiting to happen .my stomach is growling and it feels like, if this was close to death of starvation or it sure was something close to that feeling. My older brother James looks like he feels as though he needs to take this as one of his own responsibilities   . I wonder did he ever see me bruised with daddy fallen angel kiss down my spine, touching love between my legs I felt the kill. How do I embrace the future with all its wonder what will happen to my brothers .Bitterness will follow me in this cold pail water I rinse the stench of my  father. As it rains outside reality is sanity and love is profanity my green eyes see through these walls one day running away with my big brothers, oh no sssssh I heard that front door creep open it's him every time daddy
 walks through the door I feel replaced by her, my mother. If she could hear my call on the outsides of these cold walls maybe I might have been able to finish school and make a living I’m only ten years old why is the world so cold, I always feel alone. Now I watch my brother leave to work two jobs how sweet I wish I was old enough to leave with him, I swear I would do whatever just to be free, My second oldest brother is always stoned and love to read the x magazines oh god I wish he was not so mean. He pulls my hair so ravishly and tells me I will never be what I want to be. He is one step under being just like my daddy. In three years will he hurt me, like daddy? One year ago I had a friend a little girl I imagined she would be there for me forever she was only in my head and the best imaginary friend. Would it be best if I told daddy I would be his slave or should I keep fighting him off which way? I really want to go to school isn't that were all
 the good little girls go. Hey I can count how many bruises I have that’s the only educational real thing I have grabbed from this moment I might just die than after being passed out I’ll sit think and cry . Same old story I write with this pen oh so black these words on this purely white stripe of tree I want to run free with all the children like me. Before I know how to leave I must make an escape but with no mistakes, this is my last chance. Oh no the door is opening , scrrreeeech my heart just turned blacked shivers down my spine so scared of what can happen this life has become my only way to live . It's over now I’m sore my head hurts now he cut my arm with his pocket knife I wonder if he feels like a man or a coward. I wonder what goes through his head at that very moment he touches my soul and see's this sadden face .I have with disappointment of let down of” my suppose to be daddy” figure my hero, my savior, my protection. what goes
 threw his head as tears flow down my cheeks, one after another none stop having my hair drenched in a salty stench of my tears ....I wonder what does he feel....

Feb 30 1996

Few days has passed daddy now has locked me up in the room seeing this  demon inside him telling him to inject this toxic into my soul . O how I wish I was free. My mind is shattering in so many ways I can’t seem to grasp who I am or what I have become. I don’t know what is real for all I see is a world with evilness and this bastered devil standing before me. I tell you my dear o sweet diary because I swear I can’t seem to remember anything. After being pulled by my ratty hair and pushed up against the wall treated as I wasn’t even a human being, I remember all this now as I lay awake at night. I kind of like that I don’t remember anything though...is that crazy? At least this is a tiny piece of me I can forget .I’m sitting here in the corner in this dark room as a tiny light glares in on me so I can write. I write every memory out to you making me feel that even for a second im some what free and no where close to this life I live now. Then
 I suddenly feel this agony within my body that no matter how free I feel seeing all my words written down I still look up and realize that this blank sheet of paper will never set me free. I can remember a couple of years back when that women (my mother) was with this devil. We had a great family as it shown in our family portraits, everything seemed so to be the way it should be daddy and mother together ,me running around with my brothers  smiling like it was the morning waking up to Christmas. everyday seemed like I was smiling I was in school and I had friends ones that seem to care for me a lot, teachers who adored my presence telling me "Marie you are so talented and beautiful your parents should be very happy to have you " as I took those words at that very moment thinking " yea ... your right ms .Foster I am very talented and my parents seem to be very proud of me”. my brothers seemed to have there heads on straight , always coming home and
 doing there homework before they did anything else , never use profanity and never at all seemed mean towards me till that one day. I’ll write what happened a little later but right now I just want you to see dear diary that I use to smile and I use to have a soul filled with life and beauty much so with dreams of being someone. my life was not like the way it is now I swear and I want help from you to help me see were I went wrong and ......why me ?man ..I think I have lost it here I am asking a sheet of paper to help me like its going to respond to me. Have I gone crazy? Have I been spilt into this tub of lies I live everyday? He tells me mommy hates me doesn’t even want her daughters existence to be known of. Yet I have days more in this lifetime and only time will tell.  I can hear him out there with his girlfriend whom I only met  a couple of times she seems really nice and looks too  young at least in her mid 20"s maybe that’s why he is the
 way with me ...but anyways she told me she thinks she loves my daddy and that she would love to be apart of my life I so badly i wanted to tell her no run! run away before you to  realize his tub of lies and that this could be the worst mistake of your life ! but deep down inside I knew that was asking for trouble , so I just smiled and said " aw thanks ". I don’t understand how girls are so naïve don’t know anything or pick up on the little signs at all she must have seen the  bruises on my arms,  the fear seeping off my face and the chills that roll down my spine  every time he  is near me . But i guess she seems blinded just like mommy. Mommy escaped but unfortunately  left me behind along with my two brothers. she didn’t even hesitate when it came to taking my two younger  sisters.

Along with all that and with everything happening this way i"ve gained so much hatred towards my mother .why leave me? Why not take me? O dear god!! Diary why am i always asking this question why? Why?  Obviously I can’t comprehend on why i'm even in this world i have no purpose here wanting to die my life could end now and no one would care or even bother to know. I want to leave this black hole I’ve been living in its so dark so cold. I"m hungry as my stomach is screaming out for some food if only I would have gotten just a nibble from dinner. I feel like i"m not going to make it here any longer no hope no faith of any survival. I might as well just lay here and look forward to what tomorrow shall bring.

March 12, 1996

 I can still feel the cold creeping through him when he touched my lips. i taste your mouth he pulled  me in i was discussed with myself, the min i was touched i was burned , now this toxic is taking a toll of me i don’t feel the same anymore and i feel like i never sleep , this became and everyday thing now i don’t understand doesn’t he have a girlfriend , i want to make an escape and soon , i just got out the shower so sore from all the beating i know your wondering were is my brothers there all out they are never home ever since mommy left they got them self’s out of here as well . There always either at work or doing drugs some was. I want to take a seconded out of there lives and pay attention to me just a little bit and maybe they can’t see something just isn’t right when there daddy is always locked up in the room with there baby sister almost all the time. I want a different life and I just wish my mommy would come back for me. I cant
 take this any longer I remember the first time I was about 6 years old and now I am twelve years old for 6 years straight I been in hell I been abused, beaten, spit at, kicked, slapped, starved, named called everything you can ever imagined it happened to me dear diary please help me figure out what to do I never get out anymore im always inside, trapped in hell ,no sunlight ,no friends, no child hood life what does this life have in store for me and why hasn’t my place in this life been clear for me too see. Its like im looking through fog hoping one day that it will all be clear and blue skies again. About a week ago I snuck out and went out with some friends having the best time of my life.
 
 

Dedicated Poem 8/19/2013

 
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13th Floor "Sexual Abuse" Missterious Janette...ikz
 
Thought I'd would share this amazing poem by the beautiful Missterious Janette shared by Ms. Claudia Moss. Brought me to tear's, but I hope this touches your heart. You are not alone!
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